Loss

"It's hard to lose somebody. I spent a lot of time searching for reasons or answers. But you can't find what's not there, it just happened."

I read this quote today and it really spoke to me. As I posted about in my last blog, recently I lost someone who I was very close with and whom I love very much. I have been having a very hard time dealing with it and coping in the right way. Every one around me noticed that I shut down and put up this emotional wall, which forced me to push my friends and family members away. I was also trying to find answers and reasons, on why I had to lose someone who had been so influential on my life and had meant so much to me. When I read this quote, I realized that if I continued to search for a reason why this happened, I would be putting my life on hold and searching forever, because there are no answers. Pain like this is never going to make sense and no reason that I could ever find would ever be good enough for me to justify the hurt I feel right now. So, I had to make the decision to push back at the pain and not let it hold me back. I had to choose to stop wasting my time to search for something that is long gone.